I am continuing to repost my journey of many years ago following a devastating stroke that my father had right before Christmas. It seemed appropriate since so many are experiencing loss since 2020 and now beyond. Jesus offers peace in the storm, not the normal peace but power to overcome the storm. He did a great work in me and continues to do so everyday.
“For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body. “ Philippians 1:21-24
Death would be easier. My father’s recovery from his stroke is and will be extensive. His rehabilitation will take months, if not years—at this point we do not know. It has now been nearly three months since the stroke, and he still must have a catheter and a feeding tube, he can walk only with a walker and lots of assistance, and he cannot speak. He is not strong enough to go to rehab, so he is at a transitional facility until he has grown stronger. Many weeks we take two steps forwards and one step backwards. So would not death have been easier? Certainly! Understand that I of course do not want my father in heaven just yet, but if you were to ask my father what his desire is right now, he would tell you, “I want to go home to be with Jesus.” His first communication with us soon after the stroke was just that. And in the week and a half to follow, we walked that tightrope of almost having to make decisions of that sort. But God had and has a different plan. That is how it is with us also. Some days the pain of life is so immense that going home would be much easier. I have said several times since my father’s stroke that I do not want to live anymore. Understand that I am not to be taken to the nearest psychiatric ward and placed under death watch. Do understand that given what I am going through and what you may be going through, this is normal. But again, God seldom ever sees things our way or grants our wishes. God, of course, answers prayer, but according to His Will, not ours. For some reason, like Paul stated, “it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body”. So since we are still here, God has a plan to use us. These days, I take things one day at a time. Pray that God will reveal His daily plan for you, so that you and I can encourage and minister to others around us that could also be hurting and need to know of our only hope—Jesus.